Obstetrician Wearing a Two-Piece

It was a case of a rupture of the gravid uterus. The woman’s abdomen was full of blood and I knew it would spill all over me the moment my Assistant Professor opened her abdomen. I had to assist him because I was afraid to let him do it alone. The problem was that there was no plastic apron to wear. The general store ran out of stuff in April or May when the new year’s funds were made available on first April. This was March! “Sir, wear a sterile plastic drape” the House-officer advised me. “Professor X X XXXX was wearing one the other day” I said. “He had made a hole in it to pass his head through it. The other end had slipped up his thighs up to the groin level when he sat down. It looked so funny … like a mini skirt, only much higher. He said he had to wash his feet twice during the MTP, to get the spilled blood off.” The House-officer had no solution to that problem. So he kept quiet. Perhaps he was lost in thoughts imagining our elderly Professor in rolled up mini skirt-like plastic drape. I have spent a life-time making adjustments to make things happen in the institute I love so much. So I found a way. The case was well under way. All the blood spilling out of the open abdomen had been suctioned by the Registrar who was second assistant. I had told him that if any of the blood spilled over my way and wet my clothes, he would be personally responsible for it. He had believed it, and took great care to see that not a drop came my way. The uterus was being sutured. A big crowd had gathered to watch the operation, because uterine ruptures were uncommon, and one always learned something new in such cases. “Sir, where did you find a plastic apron?” one observer Professor asked. The shortage of plastic aprons was well known to all faculty. Perhaps they thought I received special treatment being the boss, and was given one by the nurse from a secret cache. “I did not find any” I said. I am wearing a two-piece.” “Two-piece …” the professor’s voice trailed. Imagining a male professor wearing a two-piece was sort of scandalous. It was also beyond comprehension how a two-piece would keep one’s clothes underneath safe from soiling with blood. “Yes” I grinned under the surgical mask. “I made a hole in one plastic drape and pushed my head through it. It is protecting my upper body. I wrapped another plastic drape around my waist and lower body. It is a two-piece of sorts.” They all roared. I think it must be polite to roar at a boss’ jokes.