A professor working in our institute passe away untimely and unexpectedly at the age of 50. I had been in a meeting which even he had attended once. We had never interacted. But he had struck me as a balanced, quiet, reasonable, intelligent, and soft spoken person. A condolence meeting was held a couple of days later. I did not want to speak there. I did not want to know what others would speak there. I attended because somewhere inside me I hoped against hope that an 'Undo' would happen somehow and I should be there to witness it.
The auditorium was nearly full. His family came, though I could not understand how they could manage it in all their grief. I remembered how devastated I had been when my father passed away after a brief illness, and I had been much older than his two children.
A departmental colleague sang a prayer - "Vaishnav Jan To Tene Kahiye". Two of his students spoke, one of them actually addressing him. All three times I wiped my tears, because their grief moved me, and I could think of the grief of his family sitting there with us and hearing all this.
"There was no high risk factor, the institute's cardiologists claimed" someone said.
"He was so nice, we asked him to attend Sunday calls at the hospital when we were on call, because he stayed right opposite the hospital" a senior colleague said.
"He was so efficient - we never had to do anything about any job we asked him to do" another senior said.
"He was dependable. We always called him to organize exams" a third person said.
"He would do the tendering work so well. We had to do hardly any work with him there" a fourth person said.
"He had no enemies" a number of them said. "He fought with no one."
I knew what had gone wrong with him. He was a person who never said 'no' to anyone. He pleased everyone, and the world probably took disadvantage without giving it a second thought. He had no enemies, probably because he did not fight back even those who wished him ill, or treated him badly. After all, the world is full of people of all sorts, and he could not have met only the nice ones. He probably collected all that hurt inside him and built up stress until it took its toll one day.
"Has his wife not come" a late comer asked me. She was curious, I could see, but not grieved.
Some people spoke about how good they themselves were, referring to him in that reference alone. I could see that they could not give him his due even after his death.
"We lost two doctors in last 15 says" said someone, and mentioned a name.
"Who was the other person" asked the curious late comer. I had to clear my throat a couple of times before I could answer her - I was feeling all choked up.
Someone kept strutting about, showing no grief.
Someone commented on someone else wearing a full suit, as in a business meeting.Then a staff member walked in towards the end of the meeting, wearing less makeup than usual, and clothes 10-20% less glamorous than usual. I wonder if there was anyone who did not notice her.
"There but for the Grace of God go I" I was thinking looking at his projected photograph on the screen, while a professor was looking at his watch impatiently.
I told my wife all this that evening. Then I said "God will call me away one day. If they ask you to attend my condolence meeting, please do not attend it. You might tell them it was my wish that they did not hold a condolence meeting for me. After all, there will be some who will grieve, some who will think' good riddance' and some who will not care either way. If my soul will be hovering around nearby, it will be upset watching all that goes on."
"Oh, be quiet" she said. But I think she understood what I meant.
The auditorium was nearly full. His family came, though I could not understand how they could manage it in all their grief. I remembered how devastated I had been when my father passed away after a brief illness, and I had been much older than his two children.
A departmental colleague sang a prayer - "Vaishnav Jan To Tene Kahiye". Two of his students spoke, one of them actually addressing him. All three times I wiped my tears, because their grief moved me, and I could think of the grief of his family sitting there with us and hearing all this.
"There was no high risk factor, the institute's cardiologists claimed" someone said.
"He was so nice, we asked him to attend Sunday calls at the hospital when we were on call, because he stayed right opposite the hospital" a senior colleague said.
"He was so efficient - we never had to do anything about any job we asked him to do" another senior said.
"He was dependable. We always called him to organize exams" a third person said.
"He would do the tendering work so well. We had to do hardly any work with him there" a fourth person said.
"He had no enemies" a number of them said. "He fought with no one."
I knew what had gone wrong with him. He was a person who never said 'no' to anyone. He pleased everyone, and the world probably took disadvantage without giving it a second thought. He had no enemies, probably because he did not fight back even those who wished him ill, or treated him badly. After all, the world is full of people of all sorts, and he could not have met only the nice ones. He probably collected all that hurt inside him and built up stress until it took its toll one day.
"Has his wife not come" a late comer asked me. She was curious, I could see, but not grieved.
Some people spoke about how good they themselves were, referring to him in that reference alone. I could see that they could not give him his due even after his death.
"We lost two doctors in last 15 says" said someone, and mentioned a name.
"Who was the other person" asked the curious late comer. I had to clear my throat a couple of times before I could answer her - I was feeling all choked up.
Someone kept strutting about, showing no grief.
Someone commented on someone else wearing a full suit, as in a business meeting.Then a staff member walked in towards the end of the meeting, wearing less makeup than usual, and clothes 10-20% less glamorous than usual. I wonder if there was anyone who did not notice her.
"There but for the Grace of God go I" I was thinking looking at his projected photograph on the screen, while a professor was looking at his watch impatiently.
I told my wife all this that evening. Then I said "God will call me away one day. If they ask you to attend my condolence meeting, please do not attend it. You might tell them it was my wish that they did not hold a condolence meeting for me. After all, there will be some who will grieve, some who will think' good riddance' and some who will not care either way. If my soul will be hovering around nearby, it will be upset watching all that goes on."
"Oh, be quiet" she said. But I think she understood what I meant.
