Hospital Dogs

There are stray dogs. There are pet dogs. There are police dogs. Our hospital has hospital dogs. They oam freely all over. The intensive care units and labor ward are as yet  to be invaded by them. In fact, one  erstwhile Boss used to go around with one such dog, whom we can call The First Dog (like the First Lady in some country). This one used to be in the Boss' office too, where civic dignitaries came to meet the Boss, and where erring personnel were summoned to get scolded. When this Boss retired, the First Dog was heartbroken and was adopted by a Professor of psychiatry who is said to have cured the dog's depression. This is also the first case in the world literature of a psychiatrist for human beings successfully treated an animal. Our erstwhile head of radiology once told an august gathering of all department heads that these dogs had divided the hospital into territories and each dog guarded his own territory. I wonder if he had put RF collars on those dogs to track them and thus reach this conclusion. At present, none of them has any collar.
I gathered opinions of various people on the value these dogs have added to our hospital. The results are as follows.

Security officer	These dogs can be trained to detect explosives. We do not get any equipment to detect anything that could be a security threat.
Neurosurgeon	These dogs may prove a substitute for security guards, who seem unable to control crowds effectively.
Medical officer: antirabies vaccination	It is better they bite people in hospital campus rather than outside. The vaccine can be administered very early.
Psychiatrist	These dogs can be used as therapy dogs. Our could be the first hospital in the country to offer this therapy.
Pharmacologist	These dogs remind me of the good old days when we had dog lab for experiments. The noises they made 24X7 kept the personnel awake and alert too.
Environmentalist (Sweeper)	They help keep the corners free of red spit (creation of people who chew betel leaves-tobacco (paan). People do not spit in those corners where dogs are sleeping.
Professor of Humanities	Dogs teach humility to all hospital personnel. They make people walk respectfully with their heads bowed (to see that they do not step on dog poop).
Men students	They make the girls understand the importance of boys – girls are scared of dogs, boys shoo the dogs away.
Gardener	Dog poop is good as manure.
Pantry officer	They help keep the cats away.
Hopefuls	One day some people will kick these dogs, and then the pretty PETA girls will come to hold demonstrations in their charming ways.
Religious fanatics	Feeding stray dogs creates good karma, which ensures our departed ancestors go t heaven and we will follow in their footsteps when we pass away. It is so much easier to have dogs in campus, rather than go looking for them on the road.

(Note: there are a number of people employed by the institute in each category. If anyone feels I have quoted him or her, I make it clear that it is someone other than him/her.)